Abuse is never erotic

As someone who has spent years working to prevent male violence against women and girls, I’ve seen the ways our culture can both quietly—and blatantly—fuel harm. I am strongly in support of the recent government decision to ban depictions of strangulation in pornography.

When I discuss toxic masculinity, misogyny and male perpetrated violence and abuse the topic comes up frequently – porn. Extreme, violent, demeaning, abusive pornography is just a tap of a finger on a smartphone away from any of us. Even our teenagers and children who are online more than they are off.

Pornography has existed since the dawn of time, and it will continue to do so. But in our on-demand digital age of children growing up with smartphones, we need to be serious when we discuss the damage this type of pornography can cause. I’ve heard from frontline workers, victim/survivors, and educators who say the same thing: young people are turning to porn for sexual education. If what they see there equates intimacy with assault, we’ve failed them.

When pornography normalises strangulation, when “choking” is portrayed as sexy, playful, harmless, or ‘just what you do during sex’, we send a dangerously misleading message.

The Independent Porn Review, led by Baroness Bertin, laid this bare. It found that strangulation has become an alarmingly common feature in online porn, so much so, it’s being mimicked in real life without consent, often without understanding the risks. Even brief pressure to the neck can cause long-term brain damage. Sometimes, it kills.

This change in the law is about drawing a line. Not against adult content itself, but against depictions that glamorise violence and crimes, most notably against women. The new measure amends existing legislation so that this kind of content is treated as the life-threatening act it is.

But this is bigger than legislation, it’s about shifting our societal culture. I noted the backlash to Sabrina Carpenter’s original Man’s Best Friend album cover. The image, her on all fours, a man gripping her hair like a leash, felt like misogyny at play. It echoed the same power dynamics we’re trying to dismantle: domination, degradation and submission of women. Whether it’s in porn, music videos, or album art, we have to ask who benefits from these unequal portrayals and who gets hurt. We as a society need to do better to protect women and girls.